I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
