my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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