i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
