Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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