You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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