There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
