your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
