She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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