..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
