I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
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