Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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