honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
