we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
