I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
