Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
