I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I want a musical about memes.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
