So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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