Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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