Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
