i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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