i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
