My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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