Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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