Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
