Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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