Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
