I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
