all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
