i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
