Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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