you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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