I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just gargled with NyQuil
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
