Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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