did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
