you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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