She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
