Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
