haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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