And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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