FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
