grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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