FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
