I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
