Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
