Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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