I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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