Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
