my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
