You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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