I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
