I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
