I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Its about making memories worth repressing
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
