Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
