Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
