I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
